Instead (one word to change your entire life)
Habits. We all have them. Some good. Some not so good. What I’ve come to learn as I observe people in ministry and in life is that most of the habits we have, we are completely unaware of. That’s after all, what makes them a habit; we do them automatically. The neural pathway has been formed. The path has been dug and the water of our thoughts takes the path of least resistance. This devotion is not about how to form new habits in all areas of your life. We’ll save that for another day. *Read Atomic Habits by James Clear if you want to learn how to rid yourself of bad habits and develop new ones. This devotion, however, is about vocal habits… better yet… thought habits.
What we think about forms our words and tone of voice.
In counseling married couples and teaching classes, I’ve learned that often a spouse doesn’t even realize how rude they are. They are truly unaware. “How can this be?” I thought. But the more I’ve read about the mind in books like “What We Want” or “The Body Keeps The Score” and “Think” and a few titles by Malcolm Gladwell, I’ve realized that our thoughts are formed and re-formed easily when we’ve had those same pattern of thought in the past. We develop neural pathways - many from our parents. Some good. Some not good. We develop neural pathways that form a path that our thoughts take. Imagine a river as the neural pathway. Your thoughts are the boat. Without knowing, you are rowing and going down that path because as we all know, moving a boat through water is much easier than moving it through dirt. Here’s the issue.
Thought Patterns (neural pathways) need intentionally changed (and it takes work!)
Many Christians don’t realize they have some thought patterns that must be changed for them to become the person God intends them to become. Many of us simply worry because our parents worried. We’ve always worried. Worry is the river of water. “What if …” is always followed by a negative outcome. “What if my teen dies on the way to college?” “What if my student doesn’t graduate?” “What if my child is still in my basement at age 45?” “What if the business collapses and all the customers return their orders!” “What if my website crashes and everyone blames me!” “What if !!!!!!” …worry. The problem is that worry is a mis-use of the imagination.
As humans, we are given a powerful tool: an imagination. I’m writing about this extensively in a book titled Ask Think Imagine. We are given a new mind, the mind of Christ, when we accept Jesus as Lord and Savior! From the moment of new-birth, we are battling between our ears. We are daily, in fact constantly, making a choice of who we are to believe, what we are agreeing with and therefore what we are speaking. Parents who worry non-stop create an atmosphere fear in their home. Fear is like the air your children now breathe but instead of oxygen, it’s carbon dioxide; fear slowly closes their spirit, shuts of a positive imagination and hopeful future. The Bible says that God’s perfect love removes all fear. The Bible says that God has good things in store for us. The Bible also says …
Romans 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!”
Philippians 4:6-9 “Don’t worry about anything… Whatever is true, praiseworthy (i.e. hopeful) think upon these things! the God of peace will be with you.”
Our words and tone create the culture that we and our family live in.
If your home or work environment is lacking peace, ask yourself, What culture are my words creating?” Words like “It won’t work.” “It’ll probably fail.” “We shouldn’t even try.” “What if everyone doesn’t like it?” “Your ____ won’t sell” are words of death and not life, fear and not hope. The good news is that you have the power to choose which type of words you want to speak: death or life. You have the power to choose the kind of culture (air) everyone around you is breathing. Is the air peaceful or stressful? Sure, sometimes we can incur our own stress by poor management. We should evaluate if our actions are contributing to stress. However, I believe a need for control causes most stress. The more you need control over someone or something, the more stressed you’ll be. The more you give up your need to control and give the steering wheel back to God, the more at peace you’ll be.
The wife who insists control over her husband’s hobby is choosing stress.
The husband who insists control over his wife’s social media or “going out” time is refusing to trust God and inducing his own stress.
The pastor who insists control over every ministry department, event, aspect of a worship service, etc is inducing his own stress by not trusting that Jesus is being formed in the life of his congregation and the Spirit is able to equip them to do good works too.
The parent who insists on control by setting an 8:30pm curfew for their 17-year-old is in effect saying “I don’t trust you” (I expect you to mess up) and “I don’t trust God.” Doing so further exacerbates the stress they already have.
The toddler who insists control over how a toy is used when he or she wasn’t even interested in the toy until someone else picked it up is inducing their own stress. We think it’s silly when see a child do that. We think it’s normal when we do it. Why? We have a habit that needs broken! We have a neural pathway (river) that needs to be dammed!
(hopefully I spelled that right lol)
So here’s my challenge for you today: The power of Instead
The next time you catch yourself doubting your spouse in their new endeavor, instead of saying “That’ll never work” or “Don’t waste your time trying that” Say “Honey, I believe in you. I’m in your corner and I’m your biggest fan. If it works, we’ll celebrate together. If it doesn’t, we’ll learn something.”
The next time your child wants to try a new sport, don’t tell them “Honey, you’re not built for that. Try something else.” That’s what Michael Jordan’s HS coach thought of him in 9th grade. Praise God, the janitor noticed something special about Mike and pulled the coach aside. Instead, say “Go for it! I believe in you!” Those are the most powerful four words a person can hear. “I love you” are the most powerful three words a person can hear. "
The next time your employee says “Hey, I want to try out an idea I’ve been thinking about…” Instead of saying, “Stick to what’s working. No.” Instead, say “Go for it! We’ll learn together. I bet it’ll be great! You’ve always done great work and I bet this will be great too!”
Has your spouse put in the effort in a certain area? Instead of finding fault somewhere else, encourage them in how they are succeeding! Add courage and hope to their life by encouraging them.
The next time you’re tempted to think that God has somehow left you out and given other people good things, instead, look around and choose gratitude. Choose to tell your spouse, family and friends what you think is great about them! Don’t just read this devotion and go back to your routine! Instead, think and speak like David. Speaking out loud the TRUTH of God’s goodness in a hopeful tone will form new “rivers” - new neural pathways of hope and love. Your family will notice and thank you. Instead of worry, fear and negativity, think and speak like David …
A woman from our church called me a while back; in the privacy of that phone call, she voiced how rough their marriage was and how they just don’t get along and constantly argue.
I told her what I’ve told so many women “I know your husband isn’t perfect. No man is. But your husband carries the weight of leading your family, providing for you, protecting you and he probably doesn’t know if he’s doing a good job. When is the last time you greeted him after work with arms around him, smiling, saying “You know what? I think you’re doing a great job leading this family. I appreciate how hard you work and I see the weight that you carry to provide for us and I love how you’d do anything to protect us.” She began crying and could barely speak. After she collected herself, she said “Pastor Jordan, I’ve never said anything like that to him.” I said “That’s why he’s irritable. He thinks he’s failing. If you don’t tell him he’s succeeding, he will assume he’s failing. If your husband hears from you that he’s doing a good job, and he sees that you genuinely respect him, not just once, but occasionally compliment him and don’t be demeaning towards him, he will move mountains for you! He will fight armies for you! Men need to hear it.”
Do you want your marriage to change? Instead of complaining, compliment. Instead of worrying, imagine something beautiful and work towards it. Instead of assuming the worst, assume the best. The power of instead.
Do you want your workplace to change? Instead of comparing who’s smarter, compliment and collaborate. Instead of worrying about who’s going to get the credit, imagine something beautiful and work towards it together. Instead of assuming the worst of your colleague, assume the best. The power of instead.
Psalm 75:1 “We give thanks to You, God! We celebrate Your wonderful works!”
Psalm 75:9 “I will sing praises to my God!”
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Acts 15:32 “Judas and Silas encouraged the brothers with their many words…”
Romans 1:12 “May we be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith…”
*BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR 2 UPCOMING BOOKS! LEVERAGE LEADERSHIP and ASK THINK IMAGINE
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